Fights and co-parenting: a perspective from the communications coach

Children can become a point of contention and disagreement in even the most amicable of divorces. As a communications coach, I see these fights and wonder how two people who say they want the best for their children can have such vastly different ideas about what that “best” looks like. Co-parenting is hard. Every divorce is unique, but there are some common mistakes that I see parents make over … [Read more...]

Grandkids and divorce conversations: the realities of grey divorce

Here’s a conversation many Boomers (the generation born between 1946 and 1964) never thought they would have: sitting down over glasses of wine and milk with their grandkids to explain that Grandma and Grandpa won’t be living together any more. “But who will get the toys?” might be the next question from the curious little ones. In a way, that is what any client facing grey divorce wants to … [Read more...]

When “kids” are in charge: divorce and adult children

Much has been written about the impact of divorce on young children – so much, in fact, that many parents choose to stay together for the sake of the kids. Times goes by, kids grow up, and by the time the parents are ready to call it quits the dynamic has shifted. In some of my cases, I see the adult children take charge – and that can get ugly. Consider these two recent examples (all names … [Read more...]

Communications coach: a look under the hood

Everyone understands the role of an attorney in a divorce process. However, if you are just beginning to explore the collaborative divorce process, you may be wondering about the role of the communications coach. You have been communicating your entire life; why do you need a coach now? Why do you need a communications coach? A divorce is more than just a lengthy and expensive legal process. … [Read more...]

It’s not like riding a bike: second divorce complications

Some experiences are like riding a bike: if you have done it once, chances are you will be proficient at it the second time around. Unfortunately, that rule does not apply to second divorces. Just because you have been through one does not make the subsequent splits easier. My experience tells me that second and third divorces can be even more complex than the first one. Why? Here is my formula … [Read more...]

“My spouse is crazy!” and other mental health allegations

In my years of practice as a family attorney, clients have expressed all kinds of frustration over their spouses’ decisions, behaviors, and habits. That is to be expected: after all, if Husband and Wife generally agreed on key matters like lifestyle, money management, and child rearing, there would be no need to get a divorce in the first place! Occasionally, their complaints and concerns go … [Read more...]

FAQ: My spouse and I get along just fine. Can’t we skip the co-parenting plan?

Not every divorce is an all-out brawl. In my practice, I have seen plenty of couples where Husband and Wife are able to put their differences aside, have civilized conversations about their separation, and show willingness to work together to create an outcome that everyone can live with. Can that be a recipe for disaster? Yes, if the couple decides to skip important steps in the divorce … [Read more...]

FAQ: Is there such as thing as “smooth sailing” when it comes to divorce?

A divorce process is never fun – but each couple’s experience lands in a different spot on the “pain scale”. Some divorces are relatively smooth and quick. Others seem to drag on, costing Husband and Wife a small fortune, and destroying what little goodwill and humanity is left in the relationship. If you are facing a divorce, you are probably wondering what you can do to minimize the damage, the … [Read more...]

Same-sex divorce: can a collaborative approach help?

As same-sex couples across the country rushed to courthouses to get officially married after the Supreme Court ruling in 2015, some of them are now discovering that untangling those marriages may be trickier than they thought. In a perfect world, marriage equality is matched by divorce equality. However, same-sex divorce is relatively new legal territory. Many couples are having a difficult time … [Read more...]

In Your Spouse’s Shoes: The Importance of Empathy in a Divorce

What is the single quality that has the power to re-define the outcome of a divorce? Perseverance, clarity on what is most important, and focus all come to mind. However, I would argue that empathy is the ultimate answer. That may look like an unlikely choice given the traditional idea of a divorce. After all, divorce conjures up images of courtroom battles and bitter arguments, not … [Read more...]